Oh Shit! I’m Getting Divorced

The Money Side of Divorce: Beneficiaries, Credit and Knowing Your Numbers, with Howard Gershman
The emotional pain of divorce can't be avoided, but financial ruin can be. Howard "Howie" Gershman, a financial educator who has worked with more than 300 clients, joins me to talk about the money mistakes that quietly cost people the most: old beneficiary forms, accounts you can't see, and a credit report you have never read. He has been married more than 50 years, so he is here as a teacher, not a veteran of divorce. The smallest next step is simple. Get a copy of your credit report this week.
What you'll hear
Why Howard teaches instead of sells. He spent years trusting financial advice that benefited the advisor more than him. In his view, the industry is often set up for advisors and companies, not clients, so he now focuses on financial education.
Basics nobody taught us. What insurance is and isn't, what investments are and aren't, and how a credit report and score work.
Why one advisor can't serve both spouses. When a couple splits, someone has to move to a new advisor, and Howard explains why.
Check your beneficiaries. Howard shares two stories of life insurance and a 401(k) paying out to the wrong person. The name on the form is what counts, even if your will says something different.
Is life insurance a divorce asset? Howard's answer: not really, because the death benefit does not exist until someone dies.
Beneficiaries are everywhere. 401(k)s, Roth IRAs and other investments have them, and bank accounts can have a payable-on-death designation.
Finding assets you can't see. Howard says forensic accountants can trace accounts a spouse is hiding.
Budget for the in-between and the after. Go through every expense, including the subscriptions you forgot, to see what is really left over.
Know your numbers. Understanding what comes in and what goes out, in detail, is Howard's answer to avoiding financial ruin.
If money makes you freeze. Howard refers clients who feel overwhelmed to financial coaches, who work on the emotional side of money.
Three things to do now. Check your beneficiaries, get a copy of your credit report, and open a bank account in your name only.
Timestamps
These times come from the Zoom recording, which starts a couple of minutes before the welcome. Add or subtract the difference once Raven's edit comes back, then check them against the edited audio.
Time
Topic
2:49
Welcome and Howard's background
4:07
Why Howard does this work: trusting the wrong advice
5:31
How the financial advice industry is set up
5:51
The money basics we should have been taught
8:48
How Howard started working with divorce clients
10:49
Why one advisor can't serve both spouses
12:28
Compassion without getting into the weeds
13:52
The B$mart assessment and what it uncovers
16:16
A story about beneficiaries that never got changed
19:00
A second beneficiary story
20:01
Is life insurance a divorce asset?
21:04
Matching your beneficiaries to your will
21:37
Roth IRAs, 401(k)s and payable-on-death bank accounts
22:49
Separate accounts or joint accounts
24:39
Finding assets you can't see, and forensic accountants
26:50
Building a budget for the separation and for after
27:51
The Sweatpants of the Month Club, and forgotten subscriptions
29:07
Avoiding financial ruin: know your numbers
31:10
When money makes you want to freeze: financial coaches
32:17
The one thing to know: beneficiaries, your own account, your credit report
33:06
How to get your free credit report and dispute errors
35:26
Own accounts, joint accounts and credit cards
36:25
Opening a small account and building credit history
38:41
Howard's monthly show, Everyday Money Insights
40:42
His free gift, The Real How Money Works
42:28
Closing
Resources and the Gift Vault
Free gift from Howard: The Real "How Money Works" is a free digital guide, about 30 pages, that covers insurance, investments, compound interest and other personal finance basics: therealhowmoneyworks.com
AnnualCreditReport.com: The website Howard mentions for getting your credit report from the three credit bureaus.
Everyday Money Insights: Howard's monthly video podcast and webinar, with guests such as accountants, attorneys and divorce coaches.
Gift Vault: Find Howard's gift, and the free gifts from every guest, in the Gift Vault. [Gift Vault link: add before publishing]
Gift Vault entry (draft):
Episode 6, Howard Gershman
Title: The Real "How Money Works": Your Free Digital Guide
Description: A free guide to the money basics most of us never learned, from Howard Gershman, a financial educator who has worked with more than 300 clients nationwide.
Link: https://www.therealhowmoneyworks.com/us/hgershman
About Howard Gershman
Howard "Howie" Gershman is a financial educator with 20 years of experience. He has worked with more than 300 clients nationwide, helping turn debt into million-dollar retirement trajectories, eliminate college loan burdens and protect households from financial devastation. After years of trusting the wrong financial advice himself, he made it his mission to teach people how money really works.
LinkedIn: Howard Gershman
Free guide: therealhowmoneyworks.com
Enjoying the show? Please subscribe, and leave a rating and a short review wherever you listen. It helps other women find us.
My website: beckyswanson.com
Book a free 30-minute consult: Find a time here.
Newsletter: Newsletter Signup

After my own divorce was final, I stared at a house full of my ex-husband's belongings and could not make myself box them up. I was completely overwhelmed. What got me through was a friend who went through the basement and the attic with me, one box at a time, and who gave me the best technique ever: "Just tell me when you get the overwhelmies." I wish I had known today's guest back then.
Gayle Gruenberg is the Chief Executive Organizer at Let's Get Organized LLC, a certified professional organizer in chronic disorganization, a certified virtual organizing professional, and an organizer coach. She helps people through high-stakes transitions like death, divorce, and downsizing, and she has been doing it since 2003. In this conversation, Gayle shares what organizers actually do when a marriage ends, from a weekend pack-up to a four-month catalog of a large collection for equitable distribution, and what she learned from her own divorce.
We talk about executive function, shame, perfectionism, and emotional labor, and why decisions about our stuff are really decisions about our emotions. You will also hear Gayle's gentle approach to sentimental items (let them marinate), what to ask before you hire an organizer, how virtual organizing works, and the simple advice she leaves you with: start small, and set a timer for five minutes.
Timestamps
00:00 My story and meeting Gayle02:35 Welcome, and "the other Big O"03:53 The unspoken burden of dealing with our stuff04:38 How organizers get called in07:13 Gayle's own divorce and "The Boulevard of Broken Dreams"10:05 Executive function and chronic disorganization15:04 What hands-on organizing looks like17:18 Readiness for change, and why we keep things20:29 Sentimental items, handled gently23:47 Let it marinate25:44 How to choose an organizer28:26 Virtual organizing33:10 How long does it take?37:30 Holiday tidying vs. life-transition organizing40:48 Shame and perfectionism42:30 Emotional labor44:15 Gayle's book and free consultation45:47 Procrastivity, body doubling, and making it fun48:13 Start small: five minutes48:51 Closing thoughts
Gayle Gruenberg, Let's Get Organized LLC
Book mentioned: Emotional Labor: Why a Woman's Work Is Never Done and What to Do About It, by Regina F. Lark, PhD, and Judith Kolberg
Organizer associations: Institute for Challenging Disorganization (ICD) and NAPO
Newsletter: an executive summary of each episode, plus a preview of the next one Newsletter Signup
Free consult with Becky: Find a time here.
About Gayle Gruenberg
Gayle Gruenberg is the Chief Executive Organizer at Let's Get Organized LLC, based in northern New Jersey. She is a certified professional organizer in chronic disorganization, a certified virtual organizing professional, and an organizer coach, known as the organizer other organizers call when things get tough. She helps people turn overwhelm into clear, actionable progress through death, divorce, downsizing, and life disasters.
Your next step
What's the smallest and easiest step you can take next? Set a timer for five minutes and start with one drawer, one box, or one corner. Then join the newsletter so every episode lands in your inbox: Newsletter Signup
Connect with Gayle
Website: lgorganized.com
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gaylegruenberglgo
Gayle's book: Get the Big O: ORGANIZED! 7 Steps to Achieving Calm, Clarity, and Control in Your Space, Mind - and Life!, available on Amazon. It walks you through the internal work to do before an organizing project so the results last.
Free gift from Gayle
A complimentary 30-minute Virtual Organizing session with Gayle: Book your session. Also in the Gift Vault.
Professional organizers and coaches can not diagnose brain-based conditions or take the place of a licensed mental health professional. There is no shame in seeking help when needed.
Enjoying the show? Please subscribe, and leave a rating and a short review wherever you listen. It helps other women find us.
My website: beckyswanson.com
Book a free 30-minute consult: Find a time here.
Newsletter: Newsletter Signup

Chris Steindorf spent more than 40 years believing he was "not smart enough," a label that started with one first-grade teacher. When his marriage nearly ended, he found out the real story: he has ADHD, and he had been freezing, fawning, and shutting down in the moments his wife needed him most.
In this conversation, Chris walks us through the night everything blew up, the decision to check himself into inpatient care, and the surprisingly simple communication tool he and his wife used to find their way back to each other. We also talk about what late-diagnosed adults can do to meet their authentic selves, and how parents going through divorce can support kids who are neurodivergent.
If you've ever felt broken, like you missed the instruction manual everyone else got, this one is for you. The worst part of your story can become the best part of your story, and the help out there is real.
Content note: Chris shares a candid account of a night of crisis (starting around 14:41). If you are struggling, please reach out. In the U.S. you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at any time. You don't have to white-knuckle it.
Timestamps
00:00 Welcome and introducing Chris01:22 Why "ADHD detective"?02:09 The first-grade label that stuck for 40 years03:34 A marriage that almost ended04:06 Feeling broken, and the tribe of us who don't know it yet06:31 Fight, flight, freeze, fawn07:26 Getting kicked out, empty nest, and choosing inpatient care09:01 "I think you might have ADHD"10:16 The diagnosis: hope, grief, and "who am I now?"11:47 The communication tool that changed everything14:23 Recognizing the courage it takes to get help14:41 Chris's hardest night (content note)17:56 Why reaching out is an embrace, not a burden19:55 "The worst part of your life is the best part of your story"20:27 Divorce, kids, and neurodivergence: where parents can find help22:42 Pattern Identity: helping late-diagnosed adults meet themselves25:43 Masks, imposter syndrome, and showing up authentically27:49 For neurotypical partners: resources that help31:15 Chris's e-book and the role of inflammation33:05 Wrap-up
Chris's podcast and website: adhdcasefiles.com (e-book and newsletter)
Pattern Identity: Chris's course for late-diagnosed adults, in development
Book: Dirty Laundry, from the couple behind the ADHD Love podcast
Forbes Riley: speaker and speech coach mentioned in the episode
Local neurodivergence resources by county: Chris is gathering these and they will be added here
Crisis support: call or text 988 (U.S.)
Chris is sharing his personal experience, not medical advice. If you think you or your partner may have ADHD, talk with a licensed professional.
About Chris Steindorf
Chris is an ADHD detective, late-diagnosed adult, and founder of Pattern Identity. He has been married for 27 years and helps late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults rewrite their inner narrative and meet their authentic selves.
Your next step
Divorce doesn't have to be the only path through a hard season, and you don't have to walk it alone. Join the newsletter for the next small, doable step: Newsletter Signup
Connect with Chris
Website: adhdcasefiles.com
Free gift from Chris
The ADHD Detective's Guide: Uncover the Clues Behind the Struggles You've Been Living With, a free e-book, in the Gift Vault
Enjoying the show? Please subscribe, and leave a rating and a short review wherever you listen. It helps other women find us.
My website: beckyswanson.com
Book a free 30-minute consult: Find a time here.
Newsletter: Newsletter Signup

Your marriage is over and you have no idea what comes next. Welcome to the show that says the quiet parts out loud.
I'm Becky Swanson, and each week my guests tell the stories behind every piece of the divorce experience: the people at work, the family, your soon-to-be ex. The friends who disappear. The money terrors. The co-parenting standoffs. The dating disasters. And the surprising, hard-won moments of getting your life back, finding out who you really are, and loving that person.
No lectures. No sugarcoating. Just honest conversations about women rebuilding their lives, one messy, occasionally rage-filled, often funny and silly episode at a time.
Yes, I'm an actual pastor. I love Jesus, and I cuss a little bit. Whether you do either, or neither, you're welcome here.
Your next step: Join the newsletter for the takeaways from every episode, straight to your inbox: Newsletter Signup
Already done waiting? Book a free consult: Find a time here.
Subscribe now so you don't miss episode one.

Divorce often means a career question lands right alongside everything else: Do I need a new job? How do I explain a long gap? What do I even have to offer? In this episode, I talk with Brenda Smith, a certified career transition coach and fellow divorced woman, about how to move from feeling off-balance to knowing who you are and where you want to go.
Brenda explains why she slows clients down before touching a resume, and how a personal branding statement gives you the confidence to answer "tell me about yourself" without rambling. We talk about the carpool driver who is really a logistics and safety manager, why volunteer work and parenting count as real skills, and what to do about big gaps in your work history.
We also get honest about AI: it can write a polished resume, but it does not know you, and a generic resume does not get calls. Brenda shares how compelling career stories, clear decision-making, and an understanding of which industries are growing can help you choose your next chapter on purpose. She also has a free 10-question personal branding clarity checklist waiting for you in the gift vault.
Timestamps
00:00 Introducing Brenda Smith01:36 Why career transition and personal branding?02:38 Why a resume is not enough04:06 Brenda's own story05:08 Divorce, new jobs, and messaging under pressure06:15 The personal branding statement07:53 Client story: the optician who learned to code09:02 Big gaps and stay-at-home parents10:10 Transferable skills: the carpool driver11:16 Volunteer work and emotional intelligence12:59 From assessments to a career strategy13:30 What the job market looks like now15:45 How AI is changing the job hunt17:13 Compelling career stories18:49 Decision-making and your next chapter21:19 Working with Brenda: one-on-one and small groups21:52 The free personal branding clarity checklist23:42 How to reach Brenda24:11 Closing thoughts
Brenda Smith: resumecareerservices.com
Free gift: Brenda's personal branding clarity checklist (10 questions), in the Gift Vault on beckyswanson.com
Newsletter: an executive summary of each episode, plus a preview of the next one Newsletter Signup
Free consult with Becky: Find a time here.
About Brenda Smith
Brenda is a certified career transition coach who helps professionals showcase their expertise and value through an authentic process built on clarity and self-discovery. She started her company in 2009 after 20 years in marketing and communication, and she has coached hundreds of clients through career exploration, personal branding, and career documents.
Your next step
What's the smallest and easiest step you can take next? Download Brenda's 10-question clarity checklist from the gift vault, then join the newsletter so every episode lands in your inbox: Newsletter Signup
Connect with Brenda
Website: resumecareerservices.com
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/brendagoburnsmith
Group coaching: Rejuvenate Your Life & THRIVE, for anyone who knows something has changed, or needs to, and wants guided support in deciding what comes next
Free gift from Brenda
Personal Brand Clarity Checklist, a 10-question fillable PDF, in the Gift Vault
Enjoying the show? Please subscribe, and leave a rating and a short review wherever you listen. It helps other women find us.
My website: beckyswanson.com
Book a free 30-minute consult: Find a time here.
Newsletter: Newsletter Signup

The Moment I Knew: Lessons From My Own Divorce (and a Tool to Help You Decide)
In this solo episode, I take you back about 20 years to the moment I said to myself, "Shit, we are going to get divorced, aren't we?" Nine months later, I filed, and I learned that divorce would cost me more relationships than just my marriage. Family wanted to assign blame. Friends I thought I could count on stepped away. That loss felt like a bigger betrayal than the marriage ending.
What got me through was a set of realizations I now share with every client: my former husband and I did not fail, we just could not make it work. I can only control myself. Forgiveness eventually lets go of the anger and makes room to forgive yourself. And the court does not care who was right, so right fighting is a costly way to spend your energy.
I also walk you through the consequences wheel, a tool from my corporate years that I use with clients to turn anxious "what ifs" into a clear picture of possible outcomes. If you have ever felt your usual competence take a hike under stress, this one is for you.
Timestamps
00:00 Welcome and a story00:31 The moment I knew01:10 What divorce cost me beyond the marriage02:28 "We did not fail"03:38 Why divorce does not brand you forever04:05 When stress blocks the skills you rely on05:08 What a divorce coach brings to the process05:42 You can only control yourself06:50 Forgiveness, and forgiving yourself07:25 Why right fighting gets you nowhere08:24 The consequences wheel10:17 Why this tool works for professional women10:48 Dignity, not doormat11:27 What this show will be11:59 Follow the show and join the newsletter12:59 Free consult and sign-off
Newsletter: an executive summary of each episode, plus a preview of the next one Newsletter Signup
Free consult with Becky: Find a time here.
Becky Swanson Coaching: beckyswanson.com
About your host
Becky Swanson is a certified divorce coach and ordained ELCA pastor. She has been an ICF-certified coach since 2014 and brings 30 years of corporate learning and leadership experience, along with her own experience of divorce, to help women navigate the process with dignity, clarity, and strength.
Your next step
What's the smallest and easiest step you can take next? Join the newsletter so each episode lands in your inbox with a short summary and a link to share: Newsletter Signup
Free gift from Becky
A free 30-minute consult with Becky: Find a time here. Also in the Gift Vault.
Enjoying the show? Please subscribe, and leave a rating and a short review wherever you listen. It helps other women find us.
My website: beckyswanson.com
Book a free 30-minute consult: Find a time here.
Newsletter: Newsletter Signup

Before Becky starts bringing you experts, strategies, and real stories from women who have been through divorce, you get to meet the woman behind the microphone. For this first episode, Raven Blair Glover (Raven the Talk Show Maven) does the interviewing and Becky does the answering.
Becky shares why she chose a title that does not tiptoe around anything, how she lived divorce both as a child and as a woman who never thought she would be divorced, and why she believes shame and failure are baggage nobody needs. She also explains why a pastor with 40 years in the church and 30 years in corporate life became a divorce coach, and what listeners can expect: other helpers beyond the first call to a lawyer, honest conversations about parenting agreements, dating, and money, and a free gift from every guest.
If you have ever thought "oh, shit" when divorce landed in your life, you are in the right place. There is a little determination in those words. You can do this, and you do not have to do it alone.
Timestamps
00:00 Welcome to the inaugural episode01:36 Meet Raven Blair Glover02:40 Why this show name?04:48 Becky in one sentence05:44 Becky's story: child of divorce, and a woman who had to divorce07:15 "This is not a failure"08:49 Gray divorce, and when splitting up is the healthiest path09:50 Becky's background and credentials11:04 When divorce affects your career13:15 Why divorce coaching?15:56 Becky's coaching certification and calling17:28 Why a show, and why now18:36 What the show will cover21:10 Real stories, and how education takes the fear away22:46 What to expect, and the gift vault25:54 Respond, don't react28:40 Control the controllable30:10 Is this show for you if you're thinking about remarrying?31:54 Becky's wrap-up: an honest show33:36 Co-parenting and showing your kids how to thrive36:00 Feel less alone: closing thoughts37:58 Sign-off
Raven Blair Glover, "Raven the Talk Show Maven": founder of Power Me Up Radio Network (Live365) and Raven International TV Network (Roku)
"There's a Coach for That TV": Becky's miniseries on Inside Business TV, airing soon
Gift vault: free resources from each guest, Open the Gift Vault
Becky Swanson Coaching:  https://www.beckyswanson.com
Live show schedule: Tuesdays at 5:00pm PT on Power Me Up Radio, with occasional bonus Thursdays 
Connect with Raven
Email Raven Blair Glover: ravenbglover@gmail.com
Enjoying the show? Please subscribe, and leave a rating and a short review wherever you listen. It helps other women find us.
My website: beckyswanson.com
Book a free 30-minute consult: Find a time here.
Newsletter: Newsletter Signup

Your marriage is over and you have no idea what comes next. Welcome to the show that says the quiet parts out loud.
I'm Becky Swanson, and each week my guests tell the stories behind every piece of the divorce experience: the people at work, the family, your soon-to-be ex. The friends who disappear. The money terrors. The co-parenting standoffs. The dating disasters. And the surprising, hard-won moments of getting your life back, finding out who you really are, and loving that person.
No lectures. No sugarcoating. Just honest conversations about women rebuilding their lives, one messy, occasionally rage-filled, often funny and silly episode at a time.
Yes, I'm an actual pastor. I love Jesus, and I cuss a little bit. Whether you do either, or neither, you're welcome here.
Your next step: Join the newsletter for the takeaways from every episode, straight to your inbox: Newsletter Signup
Already done waiting? Book a free consult: Find a time here.
Subscribe now so you don't miss episode one.