The Moment I Knew

The Moment I Knew: Lessons From My Own Divorce (and a Tool to Help You Decide)

In this solo episode, I take you back about 20 years to the moment I said to myself, "Shit, we are going to get divorced, aren't we?" Nine months later, I filed, and I learned that divorce would cost me more relationships than just my marriage. Family wanted to assign blame. Friends I thought I could count on stepped away. That loss felt like a bigger betrayal than the marriage ending.

What got me through was a set of realizations I now share with every client: my former husband and I did not fail, we just could not make it work. I can only control myself. Forgiveness eventually lets go of the anger and makes room to forgive yourself. And the court does not care who was right, so right fighting is a costly way to spend your energy.

I also walk you through the consequences wheel, a tool from my corporate years that I use with clients to turn anxious "what ifs" into a clear picture of possible outcomes. If you have ever felt your usual competence take a hike under stress, this one is for you.

Timestamps

00:00 Welcome and a story
00:31 The moment I knew
01:10 What divorce cost me beyond the marriage
02:28 "We did not fail"
03:38 Why divorce does not brand you forever
04:05 When stress blocks the skills you rely on
05:08 What a divorce coach brings to the process
05:42 You can only control yourself
06:50 Forgiveness, and forgiving yourself
07:25 Why right fighting gets you nowhere
08:24 The consequences wheel
10:17 Why this tool works for professional women
10:48 Dignity, not doormat
11:27 What this show will be
11:59 Follow the show and join the newsletter
12:59 Free consult and sign-off

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• Becky Swanson Coaching: beckyswanson.com

About your host

Becky Swanson is a certified divorce coach and ordained ELCA pastor. She has been an ICF-certified coach since 2014 and brings 30 years of corporate learning and leadership experience, along with her own experience of divorce, to help women navigate the process with dignity, clarity, and strength.

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• My website: beckyswanson.com
• Book a free 30-minute consult: Find a time here.
• Newsletter: Newsletter Signup